A kiss may just be a kiss, but sometimes something more sinister lies beneath those crimson lips.
National Kissing Day is Sunday, July 6th, and we’re celebrating with a different kind of smooch: the kiss of death. Whether delivered by women who turn seduction into an art form or by someone seen as “weak” and unthreatening, these deadly dames make murder into a masterpiece.
What makes them so devastatingly effective?
Their targets often never see them coming.
After all, society (especially of the male variety) has been trained to underestimate women—to see them as delicate flowers rather than deadly nightshade, as damsels in distress rather than the thing you should be distressed about. These literary ladies exploit that blind spot with surgical precision.
They weaponize softness, turning vulnerability into a lure and beauty into bait. A flutter of eyelashes becomes reconnaissance, a breathless whisper transforms into psychological warfare, and that perfect red smile? It’s the last thing their victims see before they realize they’ve been outplayed entirely. These women understand that the most effective trap is the one that feels like paradise until the moment it snaps shut.
They’re dangerous, they’re deadly, and
they’re absolutely magnetic to listen to!
Whether they’re dispatching abusive husbands, corrupt businessmen, or garden-variety scoundrels, these literary ladies prove that sometimes the most lethal weapon is a perfectly timed kiss and a smile that promises everything while delivering a calculated blow.
So dim the lights, pour yourself something strong (but maybe check who poured it first), and settle in for our curated list of audiobooks featuring women whose kisses come with a hefty price.
Read on for some delightfully deadly audiobook recommendations!
Warning: Audiobook side effects may include a distrust of attractive strangers, a sudden wariness of sultry lipstick shades, and an inexplicable urge to background check every first date you match with online.
The Dead Husband Cookbook
Written by Danielle Valentine, narrated by Lauryn Allman
One husband, well done.
When infamous chef, restaurateur, and television personality Maria Capello’s husband died, the media circus was intense… and quick to cast the blame. Whispers claimed Maria murdered her husband to build her culinary empire on his bones, and that there was an all-too-grisly reason his body was never recovered. Yet for the past few decades, the Capello family maintained their stony silence―until now.
Thea Woods has no idea why she was chosen to work with Maria on her sure-to-be-infamous memoir, but she doesn’t question her luck. Spirited away to the Capello’s rustic upstate farm, she’s soon embroiled in the mystery―and cut off from the rest of the world.
My Wife, the Serial Killer
Written by H.J. Garbett, narrated by Imogen Church & Matthew Biddulph
Fran Donoghue has just killed her neighbour. Don’t worry, you’ll agree, he deserved it.
Detective Gareth Donoghue has a terrible feeling about his missing neighbour.
By the time this is over, that will be the least of his worries…
A dark, sharp and hilarious novel about love, marriage, and murder, with an ending you won’t see coming… Gareth certainly didn’t. Perfect for fans of How to Kill Your Family, Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone and Killing Eve.
Kill Yours, Kill Mine
Written by Katherine Kovacic, narrated by Jodie Harris
Men get away with murder all the time. Now it’s our turn.
Mia’s grief counseling practice, The Pleiades, is named for the seven sisters from Greek mythology who were the companions of the Goddess of the Hunt—and who, in some stories, die of grief or are killed to be saved from attackers.
Mia has been gathering broken women together for a radical form of group therapy. Amy. Gabrielle. Katy. Brooke. Olivia. Five women crippled with grief by the murders of their sisters—and seething with rage that the partners who killed them all walk free. She just needs one more…
This Girl’s a Killer
Written by Emma C. Wells, narrated by Stefanie Kay
Ask Cordelia Black why she did it. The answer will always be: he had it coming.
Cordelia Black loves exactly three things: her chosen family, her hairdresser (worth every penny plus tip), and killing bad men.
By day she’s an ambitious pharma rep with a flawless reputation and designer wardrobe. By night, she culls South Louisiana of unscrupulous menmonsters who think they’ve evaded justice, until they meet her. Sure, the evening news may have started throwing around phrases like “serial killer,” but Cordelia knows that’s absurd. She’s not a killer, she is simply karma.
For readers of Finlay Donovan is Killing It and The Bandit Queens comes a bright and biting thriller following Cordelia Black, a best friend, a businesswoman, and, in her spare time, a killer of bad men.
Deena Undone
Written by Debra K. Every, narrated by Mia Barron
A terrifying nightmare sets off a series of attacks on Deena Bartlett’s five senses, and her eighty-year-old Aunt Agatha is responsible.
But the old woman is not alone. She’s made a monstrous bargain with the Sensu, a malevolent entity whose stock in trade is attacking a person’s senses, one by one. It has promised Agatha health in return for one evil act—the killing of her niece.
The Assassin of Venice
Written by Emma C. Wells, narrated by Stefanie Kay
Valentina Riccardi is many things: beautiful, cultured, deadly.
As one of Venices famous courtesans, she’s perfectly positioned to seduce powerful men, get them alone, and assassinate them. Spies. Traitors. Who they are doesn’t matter—only that they made an enemy of the Council of Ten, the shadowy and seemingly omniscient power from which Valentina takes her orders without question.
Venice is her home, and after losing everything once before to an invading army, there’s nothing she wont do to protect her city, for there’s nothing she loves more. Almost nothing. She vowed to never fall in love again, but Valentina cant help but give her heart to Bastiano Bragadin, a fellow assassin. But when Bastiano starts asking the wrong questions, Valentina receives a new assignment: kill him.
The Last to Pie
Book #3 in the Pies Before Guys Mystery Series
Written by Emma C. Wells, narrated by Stefanie Kay
Perfect for fans of Mia P. Manansala and Elle Cosimano, in Misha Popp’s third Pies Before Guys mystery, the pies are deadlier than ever when Daisy receives a request for revenge against an abusive cop.
Daisy Ellery is back to doing what she does best: making pies and killing guys. And it’s about to get more dangerous than ever. Daisy knows the statistic–domestic violence perpetrated by cops is rampant. It was only a matter of time before she was called in to help. But when this request arrives in her inbox, it isn’t accompanied by the required referral and that makes Daisy nervous.
Is this really a woman trapped in a violent relationship, or is it a shady cop trying to uncover Daisy’s murdery side hustle?
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